at school watching more military drills. there are two groups of about 9 students, all female. they are being ordered around by two other female students.
they are told to stand like this, stand like that. Put their arms behind their backs.
then they are told to march like robots. they swing their arms back and forth along their sides with their hands in a fist.
then they are told to march backwards. why female vocational highschool students need to learn this is beyond me. well actually they don't need to learn it. but someone wanted them to and someone convinced them to voluntarily do this. this is an extra curricular class. everyone else has gone home. it is getting dark now. about ten minutes after six. they are all in one group now. i am sad and discouraged to see my friend anita in the group. i want to ask her why she has joined this group
at one point they are all told to put their backpacks down. so they all do of course.
i asked one of mr tony's classes about this marching. two or three of the students in his class said they were in the group. i asked them why and one said for the discipline. she said something about the idea of one person telling a lot of others what to do as if it were a good thing.
now the mosquitoes are biting me. i am thinking of freedom. most of the students know that i like freedom. i am thinking how free are you if you can't smack a mosquito because it is biting you? you can't smack it because you are afraid to - because you are standing at "attention."
then they are told to get their backpacks/bookbags. they run over to get them. then they have to do something like push ups with their backpacks/bookbags on. they do twenty of them - what we used to call girl push ups, from their knees, not from their feet. i suppose this is training in case they ever are in the army. this is all about training them to be in the military someday and be accustomed to being ordered around like this - even more accustomed to it than being in a classroom or living under the authority of their parents.
then they are asked something and they all answer the same thing a few times. then they are released. they all walk away without looking over to me. i suspect they are afraid to look at me because they can sense i disapprove. they probably feel a little defensive and on some level they know there is something wrong with what they are doing. they probably feel false. they know they are not acting naturally. people don't naturally do what they have been doing. so they probably feel self-conscious. by avoiding looking at me they don't have to think about what they have been doing.
i was hoping at least anita would come over and talk to me, or even look at me and smile as she usually does when i am around, but she went along with the group without so much as a glance in my direction. it is very, very discouraging.
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At the Catholic school I asked some students if they had something like this. They said they did. It was also an "extracurricular" activity. I asked them what they thought about it and encouragingly, one student said he hated it. I asked why and he said it was like the military.
Obedience Training & Brainwashing at 4 Years Old
One day on my way to the train station I stopped by a kindergarten to see if they might want me to speak to the kids one day. I talk to a mother and the first thing she asks me is "how much." I tell her that I don't charge. She is surprised. Later I realize that this is an expensive private school so I understand why her first thought was about money. But she speaks English well and invites me to sit down. (I am always being told to sit down here in Indonesia. Maybe it is because I am so tall compared to the Indonesians.)
My first observation is that the children aren't smiling much. They remind me of children in Singapore who are regulary hit with canes at home and at school. If they are not hit themselves, they see others hit, or are threatened with being hit. One boy doesn't want to come into the school. He is crying and resisting. I watch to see how the teacher will respond. She talks to him for a while, then pulls him into the building by his hand. She was not harsh about it, and didn't seem to threaten him, but neither did she get down to his level by kneeling down or sitting down next to him and validating his feelings.
While sitting with her I saw the four year olds being forced to line up as if in the army. I use force because the children did not have a choice. Though they were physically tied in place, they were psychologically pressured and physically moved around according to the will of the adults. They were forced to stand at attention and repeat a lot of propoganda about the school and about one of the religions. The mother called this some kind of "declaration." I suppose it is something like the brainwashing I received in the USA called the "Pledge of Allegiance". I believe there are more children and teenagers being told to "say the pledge" now than there were when I was growing up. Back then we only had to do it till we were about 12 as I recall. But maybe I just forgot since I had become accustomed to it. Training and brainwashing seeems mostly about getting people "accustomed" to things. If they do it long enough and hear it and say it long enough, they believe it is normal, no matter what it is. And of course it is normal for them, but it doesn't mean it is healthy for them or for the world.
I won't say which religion they were being indoctrinated with. It almost doesn't matter, because they are all so similar, at least the Christian and Muslim religions are. They both say things like everyone who doesn't believe what they do is going to Hell and that their followers can't have any other gods. They both are full of hypocricy and both seem to be primarly interested in money, control and their own self-preservation rather than improving humanity in general. I will just say that I have seen similar brainwashing of 4 and 5 year olds in both Muslim and Christian schools.
At one point they are told to put their hands out in front of them like they are saluting something. One of the teachers comes around and "corrects" they way one of the boys is standing. She takes his arm and puts it where she wants it. The whole time I am there I see very few smiles.
All the children are wearing the same uniform. White shirts, white shorts and a red bowtie. They remind me of the lawn bowlers in Florida. Rich people seem to like white. I think it is impractical to dress children in white and it only makes it more likely a mother will shout at her child for getting his or her clothes dirty.
Later they tell me I can come speak to the kids later in the week. But they say I have to wear long pants. I say "But the kids are wearing shorts!" They say, "They are children." I say, "I am just a big child. Why can't I wear shorts too?!" They say, "It is Indonesian culture." I tell them that I have spoken at another school in shorts. They said "Some schools allow shorts, but we don't."
Later I decided I won't wear long pants unless I am cold. I feel sad for the children who will be deprived of a chance to meet someone from another culture, but I don't want to compromise my integrity. I know that the children don't care if I wear shorts or not. It is only the adults. The more time I spend with adults, the less I like them.
Side story- long pants and rich people/poor people.
So far four people in Indonesia now have commented about me wearing shorts. One asked me to wear long pants, or "trousers" as they usually say here, when I met her for lunch. I knew this was a bad sign. I told her I didn't have any long pants with me but she met me anyhow. She turned out to be very materialistic, which was no surprise of course. Lunch with her is a whole other story... but briefly I will say that she worked at a fancy/expensive hotel- the Shangrila. She didn't want me to give money to the poor people. She said things like "you can't help everyone." And she told me how they beggars come into town to get money then go back to their villages. Later I thought, so what?, what is the difference between what they do and someone who goes to the city to work in an office then goes back to their suburb? She also told me she had a relative who married an American who wanted to come back to Indonesia. She said life was much better here. Here she could have a maid, a cook, a driver and two gardeners. She called herself a Catholic, by the way, and like so many Catholic women, she was wearing a lot of jewelry. While we talked, her driver sat in the parking lot waiting for her.
The Flag Folding at the High School
One day while watching things at the school I am sitting with my feet resting against the flag pole. Some students come and ask me to take my feet down. I am not sure why. They don't speak English so I can't ask them. Do they think it will knock over the pole, or do they think it is disrespectful or is it a rule or what? I don't know. Then three girls come over to the flagpole. Two of them stand at attention in front of it. Another one stands off to the side and starts giving them instructions. In a military fashion, the two walk up to the flagpole. Then
down the flag. At each step of the process the third girl tells them what to do. I think about how unecessary she is. The two people definitely don't need her to tell them what to do. I am not even sure if two people are needed.
When the flag is down the third girl gives them another command. They robotically they turn towards each other and start to fold the flag. I remember something like this from when I was young. We were told there is a certain "right" way to fold the flag. And we were told never to let it touch the ground or it would have to be burnt. I don't think I ever really questioned this. But to see it being done now seemed absurd to me. I wanted to tell them it is just a piece of cloth. I wanted to tell them it is not worth dying over and never to believe anyone who tells you that it is your duty to die for your "god and country." When they are done folding it the third girl tells them to walk backwards, again in a robotic military fashion. It is like these three humans have been transformed into machines. It is frightening to me. Someone tells me this is called manurunkan bandera.
I have a few stories to tell about the hotels... like how of the employees at a hotel told me he had a younger sister who couldn't pay her school fees. He set me up quite well. Briefly, he tried to convince me he was my friend and was looking out for my best interest by telling me things like it was better to use the outside phone than the phone in the hotel. But later I found out there wasn't really much difference in the price. He also told me how stingy the hotel owner was and how the government didn't care about the people in Indonesia (which I think is pretty much true) and how his sister would come home crying because the teachers would yell at her about paying her school fees. He also told me not to tell anyone else at the hotel because "they would get jealous and want money". But now I see that this is like the father who tells his daughter whom he is abusing that it "their little secret" and it would "hurt Mommy's feelings" or something.
He also found out when I was planning to check out and then told me just before he thought I was leaving that the school told his sister she needed to pay by that Monday. He would take me aside and give long stories about the poverty in Indonesia. He told me his sister would come home crying. But now that I look back he was really exaggerating. And often he was smiling, as many Indonesians do when they are feeling nervous or insecure about something. He also told me that he wasn't the kind of person that would steal or kill someone for money. I think he said this to imply that if things were desperate enough he might do it, and that he might even kill me for money. I felt a little intimidated by it when he said it. He also told me about the taxi drivers that were killed. I think he wanted me to see Indonesia as a dangerous place so I would want him to be my guide and protect me. Or maybe it was just general intimidation, somehow implying that if I paid him I would be less likely to get robbed by someone else. Maybe the psychological strategy was to make me feel deserving of being robbed if I didn't help his sister out.
Then he tried to make me feel guilty when I told him I would like to meet his younger sister before I gave him some money to help her. I told him that I didn't want to not trust him, but many people had told me it was foolish to give money to someone I had never met. He started getting defensive and evasive, saying things like "My sister doesn't speak English." I also asked if I could call the school. He said the school had yelled at him before because they don't want the school to have a bad name. Looking back, I think this is one of the least likely things. I think the school would be happy to talk to someone who they thought might be willing to help. Trying to lay a guilt trip on me he also said, "I told you about my sister because I thought you had a big heart, but if you don't want to do it, it's okay, just forget about it." When someone says "just forget it" they don' t want you to forget it at all. They want you to think about it and feel guilty. And I did feel guilty because he had done somethings to help me so I gave him some money. I felt satisfied with what I gave him and he evidently did too. When I saw him leaving on the back of a motorcycle a few minutes later he gave me a big smile and waved. I think he was proud of himself that he had conned me out of some money at least. I think for him it is more the game than the amount of money.
The next day I asked someone if he had a younger sister. The person I asked said, "Why do you ask a question like that?" They wanted to know what he had told me before they would answer my question. Eventually this person told he doesn't have a younger sister who is in school. But they told me not to tell him that they told me. As time went on I learned who I could trust more and who I couldn't. Most of the people working there were nice people. He was the only one who was tricking people as far as I could tell.
The next time I saw him I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled a little and said, "How's your sister?" I think he could tell that I had found out his trick. But he still tried to keep it going so I asked if the school gave him a receipt for what he had given them. At first he said no, then he said, well yes, but not a big receipt, just a small one. Since then he hasn't said anything about his sister when I have seen him, but I pretty much try to avoid him. The more I think about it, I think he is one of the emotionally intelligent people who has learned to use his EI to con people.
Another thing about the hotels here is how they sometimes give you receipts and sometimes they don't. At one hotel this wasn't a problem, but at another one they tried to tell me I had to pay for two extra nights when they said I forgot to pay. Then they changed it to one extra night. He was trying to tell me that the last time I paid it was only up to midnight that night! In other words he wanted to charge me twice for one night! When I asked him about what would happen if I paid at ten in the morning one day and checked out at ten the next day he said that would only be one day, but because I had been staying there a long time it is a different system. He tried to walk off saying I owed him for two nights but I followed him and said, "No, it is one night."
Then I found someone who had been staying there for a while who spoke English and asked for his help. Then they said "it is okay." I asked him if they give him a receipt each day and he said yes. I have heard there is a double standard of doing things --one for Indonesians and one for foreigners -- and this might be one example of it. I've heard that sometimes there are two prices and I wonder if I have been paying more each night.
Now when I look back I wonder how friendly they really were when they were smiling at me and saying good morning all the time. It is sad that they try to take advantage of people. In the long run it will only hurt them more because fewer tourists will come here or come back to their hotel. It is very disillusioning. And now I am spending time writing about it when I could be writing about something else.
At one hotel the owner was very worried about me leaving the air conditioning on when I went out of the room. Then I found another hotel where the price was about half the price of that one yet they didn't bother me about leaving the air conditioning on.
At one hotel I saw a rat running around the restaurant floor and then duck into a hole under the counter. This caused me to lose my appetite for that night. So far I have stayed at four places on or near Jaksa. Tonight I will try another one which seems to have a lot of young travelers from Europe, Japan, etc.
Some notes from my tape recoder;
From after midnight one night in Jakarta - Jalan Jaksa.
I walk past the hotel employee who is sleeping on the floor. Then I go outside and see a man sitting on the step smoking a cigarette. I wonder if he is judging me. A rat run along beide me until he hides behind a flower pot. I wonder if he would judge me if I brought Nadia or someone back to my room. I wonder if he would judge them. I wonder if he would try to hurt us.
What if religion taught us what was heathy and what wasn't healthy. (But then it wouldn't be religion, it would be education.- the opposite of education seems to be religion, in fact.) Or what if education taught us what was healthy and what isn't healthy. (Later I wondered what if education taught us what was really important in life - like how to prevent wars- but that is too difficult I suppose. Not enough people have thought about it long enough - probably because you can't make money at it. No one is hiring people who think about how to prevent wars. But people are hiring lots of people who know how to do tax accounting.
I didn't see Nadia tonight. But I did see the girl who looks about 14. And I saw the one who looks like she is in her mid twenties that the British guy warned me about who just churns the customers. I see that she helps a couple get a taxi. The couple was walking along and she noticed they were looking for a taxi and she helped them get a Blue Bird taxi, which has the best reputation here. I almost start to cry because it is more support for my theory that these females started out as sensitive, *tears* caring people like Sarah, who needed to be touched. They needed to be touched, they needed to be loved. They needed to be accepted.
I see a girl walk by in a tight red skirt, just above her knees. I wonder if she is a "sex worker." She's walking down my street, which is a residential area. She even turns down my sidewalk. I wonder if she really is working directly to support her family. I wonder if her family even knows about it. So I decided to follow her. She is walking fast so I have to speed up to catch up with her. She turns down the next sidewalk, the same one my hotel is on. There is a song that keeps running through my mind. A teen in Australia was the first to tell me about this song. Her initials are AZ. I really want to talk to this person to find out what is going on. It is about 2
I come back to Jaksa. I am thinking about the girl who looks about 14 or 15 who I have seen the last couple nights. Now I see her standing with three black guys. One has his arm on her back. So I walk over and I talk to him. I say, Hey man. You speak English? I said, "Please don't mess with her. You want to have sex with her? It's your business and I don't want to judge you but please don't mess with this one. She is so young. It hurts me. There are lots of other girls here. He said thank you and he shook my hand. I went and sat down and I started to cry.
One of the bajai drivers was watching the whole thing. I was a little bit scared to go up to the black guy, but when I started talking I didn't feel threatened by him. So I put my head in my arms and cried for a while. I looked up and the bajai driver was still watching me. And then someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up and it wa her. She smiled and she said, "What's worng?" I told her I didn't want her to have sex with that man. I wanted to say "How old are you?" but I didn't want to start interrogating her. *tears* So I tried to remember my principle of validating her feelings so I said, "Is it fun for you?" but she didn't understand. So I said, "Does it make you smile if you have sex with him? Do you enjoy it? She said, "Do you speak Bahasa Indonesian?" I said, "No." I said, "What's your name?" and I shook her hand. Then I asked how old she was. She told me in Indonesian, "16". I laughed and said, "No. You're 14." And I lightly poked her in the stomach. She smiled and looked away and said, "How you know?" I showed her my computer. Then I looked over and saw the black guy was still standing there. I went over to talk to him. He asked me a lot of questions. He wanted to know if I wanted to have sex with her.He wanted to know how long I was here. He told me that she said I like her. I said, "I do like her, but I like her as a sister. I told him I have a 14 year old friend and she is suicidal because people just want to have sex with her. I told him I was a writer and I have been writing about teenage suicide. And I asked him how he would feel if he had sex with her. He kept wanting to know if she was a virgin. I told him I didn't know because I have only seen him on the street a couple days. Then he asked me if I had a handphone.. And he took out his expensive handphone. I am curious how much money he offered her.
Then later another guy comes up, an Indonesian, and asks me if I want to have sex with her. I said, "No, she is like my sister." He said, "Okay, sorry." And he bowed a little. He's been sitting there talking to her while she was playing with my computer. When I was done talking to the black guy, he said, "I want to talk to her somemore. Is it okay?" I said, "yeah, it is between you and her." So he went over and started talking to her while she was typing on the computer. I climbed up and sat on the top of a wall nearby and leaned against the flagpole. Well it looked like a flagpole but there is some electronic gadget on it - maybe it is for the Internet. If you ever want to find where I am talking about it is the Internet cafe next to the hotel Jodi. Not the hostel Jodi, but the Hotel Jodi. You can see where we sat on a metal plate. I got her name. Nicky Antonio Bryam. Full name Nicky Pramita.
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So now I am walking to the Internet cafe *alone* because the "aunt" got angry. I was trying to ask Emmi what she wanted and the aunt got tired of me asking Emmi what she wanted. I said to the aunt, "What do you want? Do you want me to have sex with her?" She said, "I don't care. I just want to go home. I am tired of going here, going there." So once again we see that it all comes down to what the adult or the authority figure wants. Everytime I try to ask a teenager or a child how they feel about something or what they want the adults get in the way. She was so happy when we were walking along the street holding hands.
Now I am walking up to the Internet cafe near the Hard Rock Cafe and some girl looks like she is passed out from being drunk and people are trying to help her.
The aunt said "Let's get soap and maybe a condom." I sad, "No. No. No sex."
Next night.
Well I just saw Emmi, but she didn't look real happy to see me. She walked into the Internet cafe and sat next to her "aunt" whose name is Nona. I smiled at Nona but she didn't smile and she didn't say hello.