This is a draft of some writing Nicole did about the school she was forced to go to for most of 12 years.
--
Peru Central School,
Peru, New York
I have been thinking recently about my experiences at Peru
Central School,
and how the school that I spent twelve years at has impacted the
person
that I am today. Schools are almost like a second home to many
children and
teenagers. After all, they spend seven hours a day, ten months a
year them.
It’s only reasonable that a school’s teachers and staff
will have a
profound impact on a child’s emotions, motivation and self
esteem. I would
like to discuss some of the experiences that I had at Peru
Central School
and how these experiences have impacted these aspects of my life.
One of the first experiences that I can remember at Peru Central
School was
when I was in Kindergarten. A little boy and I were playing with
some
blocks on the floor, when, he announced that he had to use the
bathroom. He
asked me to follow him, so I naturally did. When we got there,
the little
boy told me that when he got into the bathroom, I should shut off
the
lights that were on the outside of the bathroom.. At first, I
hesitated,
but, he persisted to ask me. So, when he went into the bathroom
and shut
the door behind him, I turned out the lights like he had asked me
too. Just
as I turned off the light, my kindergarten teacher came towards
me and
demanded to tell me why I had turned off the light when their was
a boy in
the bathroom. I went to explain that the boy had asked me too,
but, before
I could get a word of explanation out, the teacher said that I
could not
have recess that day. She told me to go sit at my desk by myself.
Embarrassed at being yelled at in front of my
classmates, scared of my teacher and sad that I could not play
with the
toys, I slowly went to my desk. I had my head down on my desk,
feeling
ashamed and Embarrassed that the other kids would know I was
being
punished. When another kid finally did come up to me and ask me
what I did
wrong, I said,"I don’t know." I seriously
didn’t, and still don’t know to
this day! This was the first of many experiences that made me
feel
powerless, Embarrassed, ashamed and bad about myself. When I saw
this
teacher later in life, I sadly could not really remember the good
things
that she did in the class room, for, this one event stood out
above the
rest. It still does.
Though many of events occurred like the one in kindergarten , the
next even
that stands out the most took place in the fifth grade. Fifth
graders are
amazing. They have so much spirit and energy. Their dreams are
still large
because they have not yet been jaded to the world. It’s sad
that, many
adults in charge of kids of this age have the ability to
significancy
damage their amazing and magical spirits. My fifth grade teacher
certainly
could do this, and, nearly did it too me. It was almost the end
of the day,
and everybody was tired. However, we had a "geography"
lesson to get
through. We had been studying longitude and latitude. I had never
had any
experience with this subject in the past, and, was very confused!
What did
those lines mean?!?!?! The teacher walked around the room,
picking random
people to ask questions too. "What is the latitude and
longitude of this
place," he would ask the student. I kept my head down low,
scared to death
he would ask me and I wouldn’t be able to answer.
He must have seen the fear on my face, for, my name was
announced. He asked me to find the latitude and longitude of a
place on the
map in my history book. I stared at the map, trying too figure it
out, but,
I did not understand. A minuet or so went by, when, he walked
towards me. I
could feel my face burning red. I felt so stupid and embarrassed
that my
classmates would think the same of me. The teacher was now
hovering over
me. "WHAT IS IT?" he asked me. I didn’t say
anything. I was too scared too
answer. I heard my best friend, from across the room, say that
she could
answer it for me. "NO," my teacher said,"SHE WILL
DO IT." He continued to
yell at me to tell him the answer, until, eventually, I was so
humiliated,
scared, and frustrated that I burst into tears. I cried until I
started to
hyperventilate. This caused me to feel even more embarrassed. The
teacher
finally left me alone. I Just wanted to die! Later, when the rest
of the
class left for the music room, my
teacher asked me to stay behind. He sat near me and
said,"Now, I don’t
have to tell your mother about this unless you want me too?"
"No," I said. I thought maybe I had did something wrong
and that he was
being nice by not telling my mother. But, I then realized that he
did not
want me to tell my mother about HIM.
A part of me feels bad for writing about this experience, for, I
later
really began to like this teacher. However, this experience did
cause me to
feel very bad about myself. It was one of the most humiliating
experiences
in my life. Oh, and as for the latitude and longitude, my best
friend ended
up teaching it too me. I was too scared to ask my teacher for
help! I
literally feared him for quite awhile after this incident. How
will a
student ever learn anything from their teacher if they are scared
of him?
When I graduated from the Intermediate level, I was naive to
believe that
Junior High and High School would be so wonderful. Finally, the
teachers
would back off! Finally, I would freedom and privileges! However,
I quickly
realized that the Junior High and High school were just as bad,
if not
worse than the "little kid school." See, in the high
school, I soon
realized that the students were suspects. Everything we did and
said was
carefully monitored. If we stepped out of line or tried to stand
up for
ourselfs, we were quickly "punished." Especially after
the incident at
Colombine High School, the Junior High and High school felt like
a prison.
We were all potential "shooters" in their eyes.
So many hurtful things happened to me during these high school
years, that,
I certainly could not write about them all. There was one
incident,
however, that basically represents my entire Junior High and High
School
career. It illustrates how, a teacher could belittle, harass and
disrespect
his students, and, not only get away with it, but, have the
student get in
trouble. This particular even took place in my tenth grade French
Class.
My French teacher was handing back some tests that we had taken a
couple
days before. After he was done handing out the tests, he began to
say that
he had never seen such terrible scores before. Yeah, we had all
done pretty
bad on the exam. But, if a class of 25 students all fail, than,
is it the
students with the problem, or, is it simply bad teaching???
Anyhow, after he told us how badly that we did, he
said,"But, it doesn’t
matter because you guys don’t won’t have a future
anyway." WOW. I could NOT
believe what I had just heard. Did he just say that we
didn’t have a
future?
A couple other students gasped in shock,"What does that
mean?" they said.
The teacher ignored them. I was furious. I couldn’t believe
that a teacher
would say something like that to his students. I felt angry,
defensive,
stupid, hurt and bitter. The thought of sitting in his class room
for one
more moment and listening to his abusive remarks did not settle
well with
me, so, I simply walked out.
I went to my guidance counselor and told him what happened. He
said that
there was not much that he could do. He said that I couldn’t
sit in the
guidance office, and, he was busy and I couldn’t talk to
him. So, he sent
me to In School Suspension (the school’s jail) for the rest
of the period.
I couldn’t believe what was happening! I was being sent to
ISS, when, my
"Teacher" was upstairs telling students that they
don’t have a future? Why
wasn’t anybody going up there and putting the teacher in
"ISS." Why wasn’t
anybody up there, telling the students that they are sorry that
they had to
sit through their teaching making them feel bad about themselves?
During the last period of the day, my French teacher came into my
English
class. He went to my desk, and waved a referral to the principal
in his
hands."Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t give
this too the
principal?" he asked me.
"I left because I didn’t feel like sitting in your
class while you
were emotionally abusing us," I replied.
He rolled his eyes at me and left the classroom.
The next morning, the principal called me to the office. I
defended my
walking out of his class room. I explained to her what happened.
For sure,
I thought, she would do something about it. After all, the entire
class
heard it. They were all shocked about what he said too. I asked
her if she
would do anything about it, and she replied,"I can’t on
just one complaint.
If a bunch of you came down and told me, than it might be
different."
Most students are scared to stand up for themselves. They are
scared they
will be put in ISS. They are scared of the principal calling
home. There
scared that they will get a bad grade from the teacher that they
complain
about. So, nothing happened.
Nobody listened to my complaints. The teacher is still in his
class room,
probably treating his students badly as ever.
I have had some good teachers at Peru Central School. However,
these bad
experiences that I have had out number the good teachers by far.
When I
went to school at Peru Central, I never felt like I could be
myself. I felt
trapped, misunderstood and mistreated. I have felt controlled and
I have
felt fearful. Often times, these negative feelings took away from
the
learning that the school is supposed to be about. Eventually, I
got so
frustrated and depressed about going to the school, that, during
my senior
year, I simply decided not to go back one day.
Here is a story about "ISS" - a form of punishment at Peru Central School