Steve's Personal Page
March 2004 - Decided to put the link to my family page back on.
April 2000 Update
A few years back, I began a path of self-study of emotions, psychology, belief systems, personal growth, parenting, and family systems. This was just before the term EI became a common one. Then when I started to read the research I gradually focussed my studies on the emotional side of life. I have become convinced that this is where the real work needs to be done in improving ourselves and society.
By more or less following the process which I outline on this site, I became aware of the vast range of my emotions; I learned to identify them; I discovered new ways to manage them; and I let them guide me in the process of making major changes in my life. My inner voice kept crying out to me through my many feelings. In fact, for a time I was having regular dialogues with "Amy" (the name I gave to my amygdala-- the emotional center of the brain) whenever I had important decisions to make or started to have intense feelings about something.
Amy often told me to get out of the US, to get closer to nature, and to live a more simple life and to start to create something which would help other people with their emotions. I am now well along the way in satisfying Amy--who I have concluded is the main female in my life who I need to keep happy.
For several years, though, I travelled to many countries in an often lonely, unfulfilling and discouraging search for "my place in the world." I knew that I wanted to help people, particularly children, but I didn't know how I would do it. The same answer kept coming back to me: I had to write. So this year I decided to buy a piece of native land in Australia, where I could concentrate on my writing and reading and where I could really try out some of my ideas about living simply, much as Thoreau did on Walden.
I moved onto the property with my van and set up a temporary campsite, using a few plastic tarps, some rope and some poles I made from the abundant wood close at hand. I bought one solar panel which I use to power my laptop computer and one night light. I have no gas, city water or telephone service. I find the idea of having no utility bills extremely appealing.
I have been there for about two months now, and things are going better than I ever expected. Everyday there is a new adventure, with lots of opportunities to discover things, to try things and to feel creative and successful. There is also lots of time to read, write and think. Once a week I drive 20 minutes into a tiny Australian town, pick up my mail, chat with Pat who runs the post office, drive to a town of 25,000 where I use go grocery shopping and use the internet at the library. Next I drive 45 minutes to a lovely small town youth hostel, where I stay for a night or two and take a nice hot shower and sometimes use the internet a bit more.
The rest of the time I live in solitude, surrounded only by nature and rarely even hearing a car, truck or airplane pass by. Spending so much time alone gives me the chance to really work on my emotions, since I have neither any one to blame nor anyone to help me. This setting also provides the perfect opportunity to try out my theories on EQ and EE.
Much of what I present on the non-academic part of this site is based on the results of such daily real-life experiments, as well as on my past experiences and observations. These are very personal experiences so I do not claim that everything I suggest will work for every one else. Consistently, however, I find that my personal experience is affirmed and validated by academic research, as well as by the experiences of others, so it is with considerable confidence that I present these ideas to others who are interested in personal growth and social improvement.
More Details
Highest:
Freedom, Feelings, Independence, Honesty, Truth, Reality, Nature, Evolution, Integrity, Inner Knowledge, Instinct, Reason, Health, Happiness, Learning from experience and from children and teenagers., Personal growth, Comfort, Compassion, Empathy, Understanding, Creativity, Individuality, Wisdom, Personal Responsibility, Self-Actualization, Personal contribution, Inner Peace, Cooperation, Flexibility, Simplicity, Traveling, Questioning.
Lowest:
Conformity, Obedience, Appearances, Status, Materialism, Custom, Religion, Force, Punishment, External Rewards, Violence, Competition, Entertainment/Distractions, Manners, Tradition, Education from traditional schools and universities
| If you are curious here was my list from around
1996 Highest: Freedom, Independence, Honesty, Truth, Reality, Nature, Evolution, Integrity, Inner Knowledge, Instinct, Reason, Health, Happiness, Education, Personal Growth, Comfort, Compassion, Empathy, Understanding, Creativity, Individuality, Learned Knowledge, Wisdom, Personal Responsibility, Self-Actualization, Personal Contribution, Inner Peace, Cooperation, Flexibility, Simplicity Lowest: Conformity, Obedience, Appearances, Status, Materialism, Custom, Religion, Force, Punishment, External Rewards, Violence, Competition, Entertainment/Distractions, Manners, Tradition |
Countries/Commonwealths Visited
Argentina, Australia, Belgium, Bolivia, Canada, Caymans,
Chile, Costa Rica,
Czech Republic, Denmark, Ecuador, England, France, Germany,
Greece, Holland, Italy, Jamaica, Luxembourg,
Mexico, New Zealand, Norway, Peru, Puerto Rico, Saint Thomas,
Scotland, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United States
Venezuela
Richard Bach
John Bradshaw
Nathaniel Branden
Erich Fromm
Hermann Hesse
Abraham Maslow
George Orwell
Ayn Rand
Carl Rogers
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
Bertrand Russell
Gerry Spence
Norma Spurlock
Henry David Thoreau
Some books I've read in the past few years
Family Ties That Bind, Richardson
The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Evans
Becoming Partners, Carl Rogers
Aristotle for Everybody, Adler
The Transparent Self, Jourard
The Heart of Man, Erich Fromm
The Art of Loving, From
The Sane Society, Fromm
Sigmund Freud's Mission, Fromm
Psychoanalysis and Religion, Fromm
Escape from Freedom, Fromm
Man for Himslf, Fromm
The Future of an Illusion, Freud
The Psychology of Self-Esteem, Branden
Invitation to Sociology, Berger
The Prophet, Gibran
Nature and Other Writrings, Emerson
How to Win Friends and Influence People, Carnegie
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Carnegie
Leader Effectiveness Training, Thomas Gordon
The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
Demian, Hermann Hesse
Siddhartha, Hesse
Walden and Civil Disobedience, Thoreau (HDT)
Don Quixote, Cervantes
1984, George Orwell
Caring and Sharing, (on Peer Facilitation) Myrick
Parent Effectiveness Training, Gordon
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So... Faber/Mazlish
Between Parent and Teenager, Haim Ginott
How Children Fail, John Holt
The Language of Feelings, Viscott
Readings In Radical Psychiatry, Steiner
The Radical Therapist, Agel
The Feeling Child, Janov
The Little Prince (French and Spanish editions)
Your Erroneous Zones, Dyer
Pulling Your Own Strings, Dyer
The Road Less Travelled, Peck
Love, Leo Buscaglia
Living Psychology (textbook)
Men Are From Mars, Gray
How to Be Your Own Best Friend, Newman
Illusions, Richard Bach
One, Richard Bach
Toward A Psychology of Being, Maslow
The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller
The Inner World of Childhood, Wickes
Feeling Good, Burns
The Power of Listening, Frank Freshour
The Developing Child (textbook)
Those Who Can, Teach (textbook)
Failed Justice, Richard Sparkman
Spanish, French, Italian, German dictionaries
Responsibility
Training, Norma Spurlock
Favorite Childhood Book -- Shane
Asking questions, figuring things out, talking, writing, reading, going to the library, bike riding, watching people- especially kids, swimming, camping, traveling, practicing Spanish and French, learning bits of other languages, watching sunsets, watching animals.
I often wake up in the middle of the night and write.
I spend a lot of time observing people. I have learned a lot from observing the interactions between children, and between children and parents/teachers. I have also learned a lot from talking to teenagers and college-age students all around the world as I have travelled and stayed in youth hostels.
I have been told I am too intense, too sensitive; that I ask too many questions; that I think too much; that I analyze too much; that I should wash my car, buy some new clothes, wear socks, date people my own age, and put some pictures on my walls! (11/99- That was before I sold my condo, now I don't have walls!!)
What one person wrote about me in her journal shortly after meeting me.(Copied with her permission.)
Sensitive In touch with his feelings Able to express his feelings Honest Adventurous Fun Playful Handsome Respectful Gentle Trusting Interested in relationships/human nature Well read Intelligent Easy to talk to I can be myself around him Birthday not in November (ha, ha) Does not get drunk often (Actually I don't get drunk at all) Does not do drugs We have a lot to talk about Enjoy his company Likes to bike Loves to watch sunset Loves to travel Loves to write Likes to rate emotions between 0 and 10 Good sense of humor Charming Clever Loves to philosophize Tries to find meaning in life Full of wonder and curiosity Recognizes his imperfections or things about himself he would like to change Self aware Wants more out of life than the usual 9 to 5, sit in front of the tube, and start over again the next day Friendly to people on the street Smiles often When he talks he has something to say, not superficial Has many ideas that I agree with Does not watch TV A good age Non-judgemental Did not take advantage of me when he could have easily Different from anyone I've ever met Helped me to think about what's important in life and to take a good look at myself
Top
Miscellaneous Thoughts/Questions
Who decides who decides? And how do they decide?
Who decides what is appropriate? Who decides what is allowed? Who decides what is "good" and what is "bad"?
Who decides when I can make my own decisions?
--
Who decides when enough is enough?
How do you decide?
Who decides what you need? How do they know?
--
What is the difference between a cult and a religion?
What is the difference between a cult and a culture?
What is the difference between a cult and a family?
What are the similarities?
How is America like the Church of Scientology? How is it different?
--
Do you want your children to fear you or admire you? Obey you or respect you? Feel cared about or controlled? To be employees or entrepreneurs? Be happy or be successful? Make you proud or make themselves proud?
What unmet emotional needs are you trying to use your children to fill?
--
Is it a "sin" to damage your child's self-esteem?
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
JJR was frequently the "victim of his over-sensitive and emotional temperament." His novel, La Nouvell Heloise, "glorified sentiment and emotion against the contemporary claims of reason and restraint." His famous work on education, Emile, proclaimed that "education should not curb or discipliine the natural tendencies of the child but encourage them to grow and blossom. Teaching should come not from books and verbal instruction, but by example and direct experience of people and things. The family, not the school, is the proper field; and love and sympathy, not rules and punishments, the tools for the task.
Source: The Concise Encycopedia of Western Philosophy and Philosophers
Note: While I like JJR's position on education and the expression of emotion, I disagree with his belief about the absolute supremacy of democratic government.